Swirling Essence of Reds and Blues

A line from a TV series once stated, “Just because you love someone does not mean they have to love you back. If you love them and they love you then you are lucky. But if they don’t, you move on.”

 

The harsh reality of love speaks clearly within each word. Emotions are forces of nature… you can never know the extent of its power until you finally feel it.

 

I love someone and at this moment my eyes long to stare to his eyes again, my lips wish to taste his lips, my heart beats hoping against hope that his is near. But every longing and every wish and every hope is all in vain, as now at this moment, he is happy in the arms of someone else.

 

It has been a year since I knew him, the guy that made me feel something so mysterious even today I could not explain what it is. But I thanked the Force for entangling our threads of life. I thought, “This is it… finally, the heavens are rewarding me for all the pain I have endured, for all the trials I have survived, for all the fears I have conquered. He is the answer, my long awaited dream finally coming true.”

 

I love him to the point of losing myself, compromising my identity. I was willing to rip out dimensions just to hear him say the words “I love you”. But it never came.

 

He was a great guy but it seems the Fates decided to remove the entanglement of our threads, removing the crease in the Tapestry of Life… leaving me with buckets full of emotions I have no where to dump.

 

Can one really be happy for someone for loving someone else? Can one really wish them good luck for their relationship while you feel like wrenching your heart, chopping it to pieces then burning every last bit just to escape the hurt and pain and loneliness?

 

After a year of not communicating with him, I thought I have moved on but the truth was, my heart was just waiting… waiting for something that will never be.

 

Charlotte York once said that we will only find two great loves in our lifetime. I really pray she’s right….

The Journey

By Fritz Ilagan

(Published in The Sower under John Tan)

To have a future, one requires vision

You’ll never get far without destination

To sail the world, first chart a course

Pick from the hundred unknown doors

But paths maybe twisted, rough or steep

Roads might be spiked, barbed or rifted

And on your journey a wolf might block the way

Would you go on or would you just stay?

People might offer and extend their aid

But you later discover they expect to get paid

Friend you have counted them yet you’ve been deceived

As they left you hanging in the gallows as they leave

Amidst all the trials still you gone on

Your heart growing bitter and forlorn

Now you ask, “Is this life worth living?”

To the sky you shout, “What’s worth existing?”

My beloved child, learn to believe

Reality is not here just to deceive

Life is easy even with all the tests

Have faith, conviction, pray for the best

For once you stop and take some rest

You’ll realize you had already been blessed

Karma

By Fritz Ilagan

(Published in The Sower under John Tan)

I’ve given you my heart and mind

Divulge to you the secrets I hide

Without question, surrendered my soul

Too naïve, so I gave up my all

A make-belief of euphoric love

I felt as free as a soaring dove

But when I learned your secret role

My heart ached like burning coal

You acted very well, I must say

For you pretended all was okay

Making me think that I was your world

But everything’s an act, you got me fooled

Used, deceived, my eyes cried tears

As I looked back to all our years

How can you do such deceptive act?

What more do you need? What else do I lack?

But albeit everything, still here I am

My heart wounded, tired and damned

Nevertheless I promise to move on

And all these tears will soon be gone

As I grow and discover this life

My heart won’t dwell in futile strife

For I know, cheats won’t stay scot-free

You will soon feel what you did to me